11/28/22
my report card came in. i have a 3.7 GPA, with 5 A's and 2 B's. why don't i feel satisfied, i hate it. my parents are proud of me, but god why can't i ever feel enough. i never feel fulfilled. im never fucking good enough for myself.
sometimes i feel like some people dont give a shit about me. im drowning. i just want to feel okay. i cant help but judge myself. im always so tired, even though i sleep for so long. its getting to the point where random people in class tell me how much i sleep during class. i hate being tired all the time. i cant get the motivation to do anything for myself. ive lost interest in so much, to where i have to force myself to keep doing the things i usually love so i dont just lose interest entirely. this is fucking miserable. i wish more people actually gave a shit. they never have so why the fuck do i keep expecting people to??? im grateful for those im certain actually cares, though. i just want to be adored. i want to be praised. i want approval. im sick of being mocked. im sick of being known as "the dumb one". im sick of ppl seeing me for my body. im sick of myself.
11/27/22
so yesterday i went to work at the concession stand, and it was the final game of the season so it kinda sucked. thankfully my friend worked as an extra runner to help so it made things a bit easier. some guy stole a pretzel from us tho. he claimed he "worked for the media" and he carried this clunky camera. he cut through the entire line during HALF TIME, which is our rush, and interrupted this poor man who was in the middle of ordering to ask for a free pretzel because he has a social media account. i hate ppl sometimes.
other than that, my thanksgiving break was okay. i've been pretty depressed lately and i never want to get out of bed. i dont see the point in going to school anymore. i just want to sleep all day. i dont have any motivation to work on schoolwork, and my anxiety has gotten a lot worse. i dont even wanna show my face in public anymore. i feel ugly and disgusting all the time. i just want to feel pure.
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